Late Night #2: Edward Scissorhands (1990)

Welcome to Riverview After Dork! On this here blog Noah and Dave of When Harry Met Fatty podcasting fame are going to watch and then review Riverview Theater's 2014 summer lineup of classic films! 

This week we cut into Edward Scissorhands:  






Dave: Ok. So I went in ready to endure a movie I thought I knew well from the olden days of 1990  but was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed Edward Scissorhands, especially the first half before the almost totally unbelievable plot advancement stuff started happening (really? That blond guy decides to rob his own house and everybody goes along with it? What in THE hell?). Dir. Tim Burton's surreal critique of suburbia still feels deliciously slanted, though it's way more 1950's suburbia than the watered down 2010's version we've got now with everyone staring into glowing screens like zombies. Also, it now seems a little sexist-I felt a restlessness among the south Minneapolis ladies as they watched the clucking suburb hens portrayed in the movie (one of whom was the sassy maid from 2 and a Half Men, BTW).

One thing I kept thinking about as Noah and I watched this at the Riverview last Saturday was how each of the first two films we've viewed for this blog-cast have created very unique, undiluted worlds that have stayed closed to one very specific type of vision (and world). Looking ahead at the list of movies we're going to see throughout the summer, I think we're going to see more of the same. Nowadays almost every movie gets put through a multi-writer/producer/editor/director blender (unless you're already very established, like Woody Allen) and I feel they're often much poorer for it.

Noah: Let me get my film score nerd stuff out of the way: Danny Elfman says this is his best score, but I beg to differ - I really liked what he did on Scrooged, Batman Returns, and his later stuff (Silver Linings Playbook & American Hustle). But I guess, at the time, this score is what established his name-brand. It would be like me telling Ronald McDonald that I prefer the McLean Deluxe over the Big Mac. In the end, nobody wins, and someone with kooky hair is getting finger-blasted.    

-I totally forgot that Wynona Ryder was a blonde in this, did you? In my heart she'll forever be a hot Veronica-with-resting-bitch-face. But I can see Tim Burton making her blonde. He's got a streak of shiksa-worship in him. (Dave: I did, too-I advance pictured her as her character in Beetlejuice, actually).

-When I was young, I thought the Diane Wiest character was incredibly dumb. I might've hated her. This time around, my old age has softened me. When it comes to moral intelligence, the Wiest character is miles above everyone else in the film. 

-I wonder if Tim Burton has softened his stance on male blonde jocks....perhaps his next picture will be about Duke Lacrosse players? It'll focus on how awesome life can rule when you're powered by victory + poon to the power of ZIMA. 

Dave Interviews Noah:

1) So Noah what did you think of Edward Scissorhands this time around?

I was surprised by the simplicity of the story. It was so bare that it almost seemed a bit hollow at points. Then I read somewhere that this was originally supposed to be a musical. That would be an interesting exercise - take a well known musical and cut out all the songs - just see what you're left with in the end. Not much...or is it?

2) How would you rank it against Bettlejuice? What's your favorite Tim Burton movie?

Beetlejuice, hands down, takes the cake. It just dealt with a more interesting theme - the absurdity of death. That was way more appealing to me as a kid than Edward Scissorhands.  Eddie Sciz, is more for adolescents...and maybe middle-aged adults who have an unopened copy of The War of Art languishing under their coffee table. 

Since I love bad movies, I'd have to say that ED WOOD is my favorite Tim Burton film. Everything just works in that movie - and it doesn't reek of too much Burton, or Depp. And it has Bill effin' Murray. IN DRAG. The opening monologue that Martin Landau delivers is my high school yearbook quote. For reals. I remember submitting it and the editor called me and asked if I was on crack. Then when our town paper did our bios, I submitted it again, and they called me and asked if I was on crack. But they printed it anyway. Ed Wood rocks...and to think, I almost picked Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.

3) How much time you usually spend twirling in a magical snow shower?

Oh goodness knows that these days, the only magical snow showers I dance in are golden ones. Don't think too hard about that one, just let it ride. 

4) No chance, you sick fucker! Ok, what sort of practical object would you like your hands to be made out of? No cheating-it has to be a matching set!

I would have electric pencil sharpener hands. And I would go from high school to high school, offering my services, while secretly trying to rat out the next weird female teacher who tries to get it on with one of her students. That bit of awesomeness always seems to happen every three years, but I promise you, my fellow Americans, if you elect me, Edward Electric Pencil Sharpener Hands, I will make it my due diligence to deliver you a horny female teacher temptress story every 8 months! 

5) Would you rather live in a creepy hilltop castle or work in a salon catering to suburban housewives?

Creepy hilltop castle, but knowing me, I'd probably end up opening a saloon inside it to serve suburban housewives, because, let's face it, we all get lonely.

Final Thought: Remember, one Wynona Ryder in the hand is better than two in the scissors.

UP NEXT: Back to the Future!